This is an emotional post. So if you don't want to read it you better opt out now!
The night before Mother's day. How are you feeling? I have tears in my eyes. Just watched "Charlie & Boots" (an Aussie film for my American readers!) about A father and son whose wife/mother has just passed away and their journey of healing. SO shouldn't have watched it - especially tonight. Cos I am missing my Mum so immensely this year. It just doesn't seem fair that she died before she'd met any of my children or even seen me married. I have so much I want to ask her. How did she raise us? what were her strengths and weaknesses as a mother? How did she cope? I will never know - cos I never got the chance to ask these questions.
Does anyone else struggle with motherless mothering? I have struggled with it so much this year. More so than any other year and it has caught me by surprise. This November will mark the 10th anniversary of my Mum's death. The time has gone so fast and yet so slow.
I only remembered this week that my maternal grandmother was also in the same boat as me. She had 5 children with no mother to support her either. I wonder now how she coped - how she learnt such grace, humility, patience and kindness. She was an amazing grandmother...
So Mother's Day is full of love and hate. Love - that i have my own children to surround me, and kiss and cuddle. And hate - that cancer took away my gorgeous mother way too soon. Next year (once i have no little baby to feed) i am determined to participate in the Mother's Day Classic Cancer Council Tribute Run. And hopefully, my girls will never be in the position I am.
RIP Mum. I miss you immensely xo
(this picture was taken by my Dad when I was 6 weeks old).
